Unreasonable anger towards my boyfriend because he’s out clubbing without me > overwhelming feelings of betrayal, abandonment and sadness > mixing alcohol and pills to calm down > self-harming because I feel numb and empty and I can’t cope > hating myself down for caving in to it. It’s a vicious cycle. I don’t know why I keep doing this, honestly. It’s not like I want to. It just happens. Impulses, you know? It’s like I’m a time bomb stuck in a loop or something, and I don’t know which chord to cut to disarm myself.

I told him to stay at his parents’ house tonight because I didn’t want him here, and now I’m wasted and feel horrible ‘cause he probably can’t even enjoy his night now that he knows I’m upset with him but doesn’t know why.

Posted 4 days ago with 1 note.
#personal

littlemiss-scatterbraiin replied to your post: This is a pointless ramble post which …

Minnesluckor är läskiga. Det är en så skum känsla nästa dag. Du kan höra av dig till mig om du skulle behöva prata någon dag, kan inte lova att jag kommer säga rätt saker men jag kan lyssna. Ta hand om dig <3

Såg inte det här för än nu. Haha tack för att du inte dömer mig 8) Och tack för att du är en så fin vän även fast jag typ aldrig hör av mig. Men jag får verkligen superduperångest av människor just nu, den enda jag klarar av är Carlos om jag ska vara ärlig. Har varit så under hela den här skitperioden. Så ta inte åt dig! <3

Posted 1 week ago with 0 notes.
#littlemiss-scatterbraiin

Fuck.

I drank coke with whisky liqueur tonight (bough a new bottle the other day, tragically enough) when I was home alone because I’m having a shit day depression wise and knew my boyfriend was going to have his best mate over which caused loads of anxiety for me. So they ate dinner here and were heading outside just now ‘cause he’s a sweetheart who respects my wish to be alone, and when my boyfriend kissed me goodbye he was like: “What have you been drinking?” Holy - fucking - shit. I cannot possibly explain the panic I felt! I couldn’t very well be like: “Oh, I’m a little drunk right now ‘cause I’m coping unhealthily with things.” Not to him, and definitely not in front of his mate. I told him I was drinking coke and he was like: “Oh… it tasted kind of like cranberries. That’s weird.” Then he kissed me again and left and fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. Now I’m even more anxious. He’s kind of against alcohol unless it’s a special occasion, so me being honest with him wouldn’t go over very well. But I’m thinking I should come clean later maybe? When he’s alone with me. Then again, maybe not. I’ll just use mouthwash and pretend like everything’s fine. Yeah, I’ll do that.

Fuck.

This is a pointless ramble post which will interest none of you, but I can’t really speak to anyone in my life about it because they’d freak out and I desperately want to get it off my chest, so here it goes.

Read More

Posted 2 weeks ago with 1 note.
#personal #benzos #alcohol #ramble #depression #anxiety #bpd

(Source: owls-n-elderberries)

Posted 3 weeks ago with 532 notes.
FROM:inatt SOURCE:owls-n-elderberries
#nature

dutchster:

when i see a clothing item i like and check the price tag

image

(Source: shallowsprings)

Posted 1 month ago with 73,069 notes.
FROM:the-natster SOURCE:shallowsprings
#got #game of thrones
Love isn’t soft, like those poets say. Love has teeth which bite and the wounds never close. —Stephen King, The Body

(Source: simply-quotes)

Posted 1 month ago with 12,495 notes.
FROM:tvvink-deactivated20140729 SOURCE:simply-quotes
#quotes

My relationship is going up and down like a freaking roller coaster r/n because I can’t decide whether to hate my boyfriend’s guts or love him to bits, the self injuring is out of control not to mention me as a person, I’m being bounced around like a ball between different doctors and hospitals with no one offering me any kind of stability while I wait to get accepted into the psych health care program in my region, only one out of four doctors I’ve seen these past few weeks has been properly nice and I wish I could’ve continued seeing her but apparently that’s not an option, everything is shit, I’ve wanted to die almost every single day for a month now, my emotions are living their own life and I have no means to control them, I keep disassociating which is freaky as hell, my anxiety is popping up at the worst of times and I don’t know how to fucking deal with it all. I feel like I’m going insane. I just want someone to call me up from the psych ward and tell me I can come see a therapist now after waiting all this time, because I can’t fucking talk to anyone in my life and I’m about to snap in half. I don’t even feel like I exist sometimes.

Posted 2 months ago with 0 notes.
#personal #mental health #depression #anxiety

(Source: ocelott)

Posted 2 months ago with 187 notes.
FROM:secretcigarette SOURCE:ocelott
#art

(Source: siberianbreakdown)

Posted 2 months ago with 15,224 notes.
FROM:-circa SOURCE:siberianbreakdown
#art

This is the third night in a row that I’m mixing benzos with alcohol and I honestly couldn’t care less, especially now that my boyfriend’s away and I don’t have to do it secretly behind a suspiciously closed kitchen door. I’m beyond fed up with this depressive episode and all of the other mental shit I have going on that doesn’t make any sense. Just fuck it. Fuck it all, and fuck it good. Cheers to unhealthy coping.

(Source: eye-cancer)

Posted 2 months ago with 189,718 notes.
FROM:dreaming-seoul SOURCE:eye-cancer
#photography #beauty #nail art #makeup
Posted 2 months ago with 5,511 notes.
FROM:dreaming-seoul SOURCE:gn-a
#gif